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Depends...whichever one has the non-poisonous variety is the one I'll jump into.

Writer's Block: Internet addictions

Besides LJ, what websites are you always surfing?

^^ If this question was asked before my drama addiction started, all the sites would have been manga related.

Writer's Block: It happened one night

God *^_^*
What is the best thing that's happened to you so far?

Writer's Block: Supersize me

Have you ever boycotted a company or product? If so, what was it, and what caused you to boycott it?

KFC...cause the food sucks.

Writer's Block: Daydream believer

If you could choose to control your dreams, would you? If so, what would you dream about?

I wouldn't want to control my dreams, otherwise I'd be stuck in unreality without experiencing the fullness of life. The sadness, pain, elation, joy, angst and everything else - I wouldn't trade it for the prettiest dream on the planet.

I'm done~!

I couldn't help but to release some tears when I marked my MPhil thesis (Zoology) as final. It's been two years (September 2008: project started) and it's hard to express how accomplished I feel. I can't remember ever feeling this feeling of accomplishment prior to this moment.

I've lived this project.

I've breathed this project.

I've been frustrated with this project (normal distribution ^_^).

I've been excited about this project.


And now, I have finished this project.

God be praised, glorified, magnified and thanked...I'm done. And I already miss it. ;_;

My family, my friends (real and online), my beautiful Rio Grande river: I love you and thank you.

*sighs* I'm going to dissolve into a puddle of tears soon. I don't know what to do with myself. lol. I feel like watching anime, which I haven't really done in the last two years. I feel like dancing, reading the piles of novels I've accumulated and writing something. Haha. But I can't get too excited yet. I'm going to publish two papers based on my findings. That's something else to work on. And I'll be helping out in the undergraduate labs as of September. I'm also going to seriously throw myself into my Japanese studies and naturally, I'll still be working nights.

Heh, so much for freedom. lulz~! 

Turning 25 means marriage huh?

Turning 25 means three things:

1. There will be an increased number of people asking when I'm going to get married.

2. When they ask for the young people in church to stand for whatever reason....I'll remain seated. -_-'

3. The eggs in my ovaries are getting older and I should ideally start reproducing now, before the big 35 comes.

^ Two of the above are related to marriage. So let me just publicly state that I will not marry you if:

- you hate cats
- you hate animals
- you like roaches
- your last name is a colour - Brown, Green, Black, Grey, Red, Burgundy...just no.
- you think God is something my mind created
- you don't like Asian culture
- you have two first names (Eg. John Henry)
- your basic education is at the high school level, and you're happy with it (hello...I'm finishing up my Master's and will be doing my PhD in 2 years)
- you don't like a member of my family
- you're fat. Yes...because I've always said that as beautiful as an overweight person is...they are unhealthy. Don't hide behind nonsense and take care of the body God gave you.
- you have a problem with adoption (I'm planning to adopt as well as have my own; and they'll live happily with the cats)
- you drink alcohol as a past time
- you smoke
- you have no ambition
- you expect me to pay for the house, the land and the car.
- you do drugs
- you are not willing to watch your wife gush over the hotness of other men (I'm human and I accept that you are too).
- you hate cats (yes...this has to be reiterated because it is very important).
- you like Bruce Golding. -_-'
- you think all Jamaicans smoke weed.

As a final note: What is wrong with cats?! Why wouldn't you like them you bastard?! 

/me goes back to her thesis.

Let's talk books...

randomness obtained from: randomeme4u.blogspot.com/

1. Name a few of your favorite books.
Where to start... Lonesome Dove, A Tale of  Two Cities, War of the Worlds, Hamlet, The Patriot, The Eagle has Landed, A Time to Kill, Chronicles of Narnia

2. Is there an author that you don't like, yet so many people seem to love?
Jane Austen. Not that I don't like her, but she's overrated. First time I read Pride and Prejudice I hated it.

3. Name a book to film adaptation that you really like.
War of the Worlds

  Name one you think was done poorly.
  Many, but Twilight stands out in my mind. -_-'

4. Where do you buy your books?
Local bookstores, Amazon, Christianbooks.com

5. What genre do you read the most?
Back in high school it was action and suspense. Now it's mainly Christian themed novels and adventure, with the occasional literature classic.

6. What genre do you dislike?
Romance ugh....the mills and boon variety that has someone thrusting by page 73. (Runs off to throw up).

7. Is there a book that has changed your life?
The Bible. No secular book can do what that has done for me.

8. Have you ever met an author? What author would you like to meet?
Nope. I'd love to meet Jack Higgins, John Grisham and Tom Clancy! The others I'd like to meet are dead.

Best Friend


My company has something called 'Free Nights and Weekends' for postpaid customers, where we get free nights from 8pm to 8am and 50 sms to on-net numbers. Apparently, almost all my co-workers have it and my Team Leader was commenting to someone that I'm lame because I don't. I was right there as he was speaking and no...he wasn't being mean, just his usual idiotic self. Anyway, I hotly declare that 'I have no one to call!' His response was that I have no friends and then I remembered that I don't have a best friend who I'd chat to all night, or part thereof. But then again, I'm not the 'sit down on phone for long' type. Ah well, this entry is about best friends, or lack thereof.

I've been thinking about it every once in a while. I have a large number of friends, family and coworkers. Since high school, I've been the girl who's friends with everyone yet I've never been in a clique per se. In 1st form (grade 7) at high school, I parred with two twin chicks, who were actually DJ's called the K Queens. I have absolutely no idea where they are. Our frienship was only good enough for 1st form and half of 2nd form.

In 2nd form, my classmates were completely different since my grades placed me in a better class. Naturally I forme friendships quicly with everyone whom I genuinely loved, but I also managed to get myself into a clique. Jo, Ju, Ro and D. Yup, for the most part we hung together through high school and we're still good friends up to now. But I must be honest in sayong that there were times I felt left out. Within the 'clique'...everyone had the best friend they would hang with more, call more, go out parring with more...but I was hardly the 'one'. I'm not blaming them for anything, but its just how I felt. When I started working after high school, and would hear that everyone else had gone out without calling me, that kinda stung. I asked 'why', response was 'you'd be working' to which I'd reply 'but you could check right'. I don't have as much as weekly conversations with them but I do love them dearly and when we talk, it feels like high school again. I'm not able to call any a 'best friend'.

Because I'm too hot to limit myself to a clique, I went parring with Mel often. Those were some good days from about 4th to 5th form. Mel was sheltered by her Dad and so I was the first one to take her to the mall or rather, malls. We'd go uptown, downtown and even midtown after school was out. She felt like my sister and I know she thought of me the same way. I miss her and it's been such a long time since we last spoke. Dad saw her at the bank recently and I was shocked to learn that she has another child. Wasting no time eh Mel? Haha. Why didn't she become the 'best friend.'

Perhaps I should have started with Karie. She's my oldest school friend. Since primary school, we've been close and I'll call her up every 3 or so months, or stop by her grocery store on my way home and we can talk forever. She's an absolute darling and her parents have become aunt and unle in my heart. Because we've been close for so many years, she feels more like a sister who I just don't talk to as often. Should I call her my 'best friend?'

In 6th form, I met a whole new set of friends. The two I was closest to was Wenz and Jodibambodichicalodi (yep, mentioned before as my partner in crime). Jo and I bonded through books, and I vividly remember our trips to Kingston Bookshop as we searched for the latest Tom Clancy. Wenz and I just bonded. We talked about everything! Which is why I think I was closer to her than Jo. We spoke about our beliefs, relationships (ahem...hot guys) and school. When she met the man who unknowingly became her husband, I remember how she gushed about him to me. A memory which I shared with her guests when I toasted the bride at her wedding. ^_^ She's happily living with hubby and I link her every once in a while to check up on her. Is she my 'best friend'? Jodi can go eat a potato! I asked her if she'd use me as her maid of honour and she said no because her best frien has always been her cousin! 'But I could be yours,' she says. Girl I don't need your pity! Gimmie your mangos, juneplums and hey....where's my breadfruit?!
Jo may be my current 'best friend' but based on my history, I predict that we'll become like all the other friendships above. Especially when she goes off to med school (traitor! I'll make you read this entry!).

Anyway, all my friends always have their 'best friend'. The one they'll call first. Think of first. Even recently I thought of a abdi as my best friend, but I never felt that he thought of 'me' that way. So last night when he told me about his 'bff' (kinda lame for a guy to say it. Hehe. I'll make you read this abdi!), I felt happy for him but a little sad for me. And I asked out loud 'God, will I ever have one of those?'

Niquey is my official best friend. As in, when I describe her I use that term because we grew up together. Our families are close and as how she finds a second set of parents in my parents, I find a mum and dad in hers. She's the sister of my heart. I've always felt that she was closer to my Ane-ue (older sister) and I understand that because she has truly adopted her as an 'ane-ue', which she doesn't have. Whereas her and I were born within 2 months of each other, so...I guess I'm not as wise as Ane. (Tch! I'll make you read this Niquey!)

At church, I have sooooo many brothers and sisters. Haha. But as close as I feel to my Sunday School class, I'm not going to search for the elusive 'best friend' in any of them. And for some reason, I don't see anyone around that'd fit into whatever the term should entail.

If your best friend is who you talk to the most then is Mike my best friend? I adore Mikessc88, and if I won a trip for two to somewhere I'd take him, because everyone else I mentioned before have their 'someone' who they'd take...and that's not me. Of course, Mike is an online friend, and that makes our friendship...taboo, unreal? Nope, I think it's real. He sent me snow and so even if as mother says, he's really a 45 year old man...I wouldn't care. Anyway, no 45 year old man sounds like THAT on the phone. It may be that because the nature of our friendship does not depend on phone calls or our ability to see each other, it may not suffer the same fate as the previous ones described. But there's still a lot I don't know about him. It just occurred to me that I don't know if he has one of those 'best friend' things.

Ruzzy, who is one of the few who'd read this, is also a very good online friend. We don't talk as much because of timezones though. But isn't it strange that she's going to probably be the first to read this. I've given my journal link to real life friends, but they never seem to remember it.

I think sagepat has good best friend qualities. For some reason, she reads me well. And she's the brunt of my teasing, which she takes so nobly. No matter how much I tease her, call her 'baka'and generally insult her, all she does is grin. Tch! Maybe you really are an idiot Pat, but I don't think one could read me so well...so I guess you're eccentric.

Then there's Niki. My uni parrie and Ms. Crazy. If I spent too much time in her presence, she'd kill me with her 'I love you my zahry!' I'm not yours and I'm not 'zahry!' I've never argued so much with a friend as I did with Niki. She's the only one who ever said to me 'you're such a bitch'. Which is something I'd never been called before, but I remember when I told Jo, she said 'what did you do?' Oi oi...what's that supposed to mean. Thinking back, I deserved it because I was unnecessarily cruel. It's something I'm sorry about Niki, and I did make up in my mind that I'd try to be a better friend. For some reason, she's a necessary presence in my life and I know that is I was hurt in any way, she'd drag the 'bitch' who did it to hell and back. She's my fiercest friend, although she met her match in me.

Wow, even with analysing it on paper (electronic), I can't think who my best friend is. To be honest, my mum is the one I par with (gym, shopping) and talk with (about books. Movies and more books) but on some level she's still mommy and there are things I can't say to her.

So I guess my analysis has brought me to the conclusion: my best friend is split in many pieces. For art, I'll go to pat. For books, Jo and mum. For relationships...erm, considering I've never been in one...I dunno. If I need to call someone who'd cuss for me...it'd be Niki. Etv etc etc.

And I wonder who I've forgotten. If I mention Ane-ue, she'd tell me to 'find a friend'. Something she has been seriously telling me to do for years when I call her too much or invade her space too much. But there are things that I can only tell my Ane.

*sighs* Seems like I'll never really figure this one out. Having all these friends (many unmentioned), yet feeling lonely because I'm not 'best friend' material; it makes me a little sad. Ane says I'm hard to get along with and I know that I can close myself off to people (yeah sagepat called me on that), so I figure that whatever makes no one think of me first has to do with me. Probably explains why no guy can like me for too long. Even if they started out that way, I end up pushing them into the friend bucket. I am a mystery to myself, but a happy mystery. Haha! If I ever get married, my guest list will be huge. When I die, my funeral will be more huge.

For the time being, I'm content. Many people have a few but I have many. If tomorrow I lost my home, I know I'd have choices in terms of where to go. God has blessed me with friends in many places and I think that perhaps I'm not supposed to focus on just one. With all the love I've got inside, I'll love every friend - past, present and future. If my friendship can touch someone's life, I'll be content with that even while I wait to see if the 'best friend' thing happens to me. For the time being, I'll continue to say 'I have none', or maybe I should start saying 'my family'. Haha-ue (mom), chichi-ue (pops), ane-ue (older sister), ani-ki (older brother) and imoto (lil sis). Because, if we got any closer than we are it'd probably be disastrous.

Now...I really should get going to bed. I've got church in a few hours and I miss my students. To the friends who read this super long entry (as usual):

Nuff Luv,
Zahra <3

Ps. I too tired to reread this long thing for grammatical errors. So pretend they don't exist if you see them. ^_^

Never There

Title: Never There

We were together
Yet we were not.
An unspoken bond
That failed to bind.
Words of love
Never uttered
And a happiness
Bound in sorrow.

You left the me
You never had
I released the you
I never held
We broke bonds
That didn't exist.
And the real 'her'
I bear no ill will